Thursday, 20 November 2008

"We Have To Fight - The X-Men!"

Fantastic Four #28, July 1964
(By Lee, Kirby, & Chic Stone)

Well, here we are. Stan has gotten the hang of the whole shared universe thing, and in the past three months, he's had:

The Hulk show up in the pages of Fantastic Four #25 & 26.

Iceman teaming up with the Human Torch in Strange Tales #120.

The FF try to hire the services of Nelson & Murdock in Daredevil #2.

Dr Strange help the FF take on the Sub-Mariner in FF#27.

Spider-Man and the Green Goblin running into the Hulk in Amazing Spider-Man #14.

Spider-Man and Giant-Man tricked into fighting each other, in Tales To Astonish #57.

Whilst I'm sure that these appearances weren't purely designed to flog more copies of the guest stars' own books, I have my doubts at times...

With the gratuitous plugs out of the way, we'd best track down the villains of the piece. Here they are, folks!

That there baldy fella is the Puppet Master. He can sculpt clay into little voodoo dolls. His daughter is also the Thing's girlfriend. The bloke with the big hair is the Mad Thinker. He's a genius, dontcha know?

Both the Thinker and the Puppet Master have had their heads handed to them by the FF in the past, and they want revenge. What's the plan? Glad you asked.

Either the Mad Thinker is incredibly smart, or Prof X needs to spend less time accompanying the team on missions. The Puppet Master does his thing, and before we know it, Professor X is under his mental thrall.

And here we see the benefits of Xavier's policy of training his students to obey orders without question: even when those orders are clearly bonkers, his students rush to obey them. The X-Men hop in their helicopter and head over to the Baxter Building, where they lure the FF out of the city, by dint of (that already clich├ęd strategem) kidnapping the Invisible Girl.

The FF are soon in hot pursuit, but the X-Men are waiting for them...

You tell 'er, Cyclops, you fascist drone.

Anyway, Professor X's plan, it appears, is for the X-Men to beat up the Fantastic Four. Naturally, violence ensues.

Ok, so, Human Torch versus Iceman, fair enough, could be a long fight, but it makes sense, I guess. Personally, I'd get the Invisible Girl to catch Angel in a force-field, given how hopeless Reed is at achieving that goal. And, really, Cyclops versus the Thing? Poor Cyclops. I'm assuming Beast is off-camera reading a biology book or some such, rather than joining in the bruhaha?

To liven up the battle, the Mad Thinker has set various booby-traps on the field of battle, which succcessfully capture the FF, who are too distracted by the fight to avoid said traps. Not a bad plan, as far as it goes, but naturally, the Thinker can't help but gloat.

Crivvens, what a scunner! Puppet Master orders the Professor to knock out his merry mob, but reckons without the super-brain of Hank McCoy, who can resist mental domination just be dint of being really smart. The Beast crushes the Prof X voodoo doll and rescues his team, whilst the FF free themselves, just in time for the big fight!

The Awesome Android, you may not know, can copy superpowers, which, when he's fighting nine superheroes, gives him a bit of room to get his groove on.

Unfortunately, no amount of superpowercopying mojo can overcome our heroes, particularly when Professor X gets in on the act.

And what of our villains? They're escaping in the Thinker's escape plane. Ready to work together again, boys?

Hmm, guess not. Anyway, just time for some weasil words from Cyclops...

That's right, boys, kiss and make up, until your next fight...


ChrisL said...

I did not realise that the Mad Thinker's Awesome Android wasn't actually created by the Mad Thinker. What a swizz. Plus the Android seems to have shrunk over the years, being only slightly larger than a man when he appears as Awesome Andy in the recent She-Hulk series.

Doctor Sordid said...

Yep, it's not just Hank Pym who can create robots which, for one reason or another, become a threat to humanity.