The Old Order Changeth!

Avengers #16, May 1965.
(By Lee, Kirby & Ayers)
Well, here we are then, the first in what will become a very regular event in the Avengers, the "changing of the guard" issue. Common as muck now, back in the day this must have been a bit of a puzzler for the readership, who'd got used to the adventures of Marvel's Mightiest Heroes, and the Wasp. Off we go.

Our story picks up where the last one left off, with the Avengers polishing off the battered remains of the Masters Of Evil. Here they are.


That there, folks, is the Melter (with the stripy tights), the Black Knight (with the horse), the Executioner (with the skirt), and the Enchantress (with the Executioner). They are unaware that the reason Captain America is missing, is because he's in South America, dropping a large number of rocks on the bad guys' leader, Baron Zemo.

So confident are the Masters of their ability to win the day, that they stand around while Thor twirls his magic hammer; never a good idea.


With the Masters of Evil beaten, and with Cap stranded in South America, the remaining Avengers (Thor having shot off to take care of some private business) meet to decide what to do next. Go rescue Cap, you say? Guess again.


What, just like that? Where's your gumption? Your fighting spirit? Or has Tony Stark had a meeting with his accountants, and found out just how much it's costing to keep his Superfriends on the payroll?

Before the Avengers can make good on their plan to abandon Captain America in the Amazon and retire, they receive a mystery visitor. A visitor who leaves only one clue: an arrow. Wonder if Iron Man can work out who it is...


Hawkeye then spins a sob story about how he's just been misunderstood this whole time, a pawn of the Black Widow and her commie masters. Then he does a trick shot with his arrow. And then the Avengers hire him on the spot. Somehow, I'd have expected the interview process to be more formal. At my work, it takes three months of credit checks, police checks, and god knows what other checks, to even get in the door, and these guys are giving Hawkeye the keys to Avengers Mansion with barely a twenty-second chinwag? Some might say they're being indecently hasty in their rush to retire.

Having hired a two-bit hood to replace them, they next move onto a would-be world conquerer.


I mean, what?!? At this point, the Avengers have only fought Namor a couple of times, but he's gone toe-to-toe with everyone from Daredevil to Spider-Man, and recently led an invasion of New York! Sixties superheroes presumably didn't worry so much about public relations. Ah well, perhaps after he's conquered the surface world, he'll be ready to join up.

Who's next?


Yes, it's everyones' favourite members of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, taking a relaxing time after the dissolution of their gang of villains (in this month's X-Men #11) I don't know what I like more, Quicksilver's sensible yet stripy jumper, or that they feel the need to get changed into their super-togs before deciding to try for membership in the Avengers.

Odd though, wouldn't you really expect them, if they've finally gotten the oppoortunity to join the forces of good, to hang out with their old pals, the X-Men. Or is that speciesist, to think that way. In fact, it's odd to see them contemplating signing up at all, given this exchange, less than a month ago, in that self-same X-Men #11:


Anyway, let's move back to New York, where the Avengers are announcing their latest recruit:


On the one hand, it's comforting that the team actually have some sort of official screening process. On the other hand, it's a bit disconcerting that the Feds didn't pick up on Hawkeye having spent the last few months working with a commie spy. Not to mention that the assembled ladies and gentlemen of the press don't have anything
to say about it. Perhaps part of the American Dream is the crimes of supervillains and mutant terrorists are just never mentioned again, once they've apologised. Like so:


Quicksilver, the fastest man alive, proceeds to race Tony Stark's chauffeur through the streets of New York, and perhaps unsurprisingly, he wins. Which is enough for both him and his sister to get a seat at the big table.

No sooner have the new members settled in, then Captain America finally gets back from South America. Without so much as a "where the hell was my lift home?", Cap welcomes the chaps who'll be joining the team.


Ever get the feeling you've been shafted, Cap? Rick's worked it out, he's smart enough to realise that Paste-Pot Pete and the Vulture would have got a job, if they could pass the qualifying test: showing up.

Anyway, with the new team assembled, it's time to meet the people...


Good question, Hawkeye, although I can't but notice that you don't even mention the Wasp. It was tough being a woman in the sixties, huh?

So there we have them: Cap's Kooky Quartet. As anti-establishment as their predecessors were Republican, things are going to be a mite different round Avengers Mansion from now on...

Out With The Old...

Tales Of Suspense #48, December 1963.
(By Lee, Ditko, and Ayers)

Hard to believe, it was only 9 months from the introduction of Iron Man, to the arrival of the red and gold armour. After debuting in his awful grey outfit, Iron Man took out a tin of yellow paint and gave himself a new look, but it was only with this issue, that Shellhead started to look like a modern invention, rather than an escapee from King Of The Rocketmen. And for all that Tony Stark has modified and upgraded his armour over the last 35 years, it's not really all that different after all this time...

The Human Torch Meets ... Captain America

Strange Tales #114, November 1963.
(By Lee, Kirby, and Ayers)

So, I know what you're thinking: "Wasn't Captain America defrosted by the Avengers in Avengers #4, a few months after this issue was released? So who's this joker?" Who indeed...

Our tale begins as the Human Torch's daily workout is interrupted by some of his college pals. No, I don't know what happened to his secret identity from a couple of issues back either.


Naturally, Johnny Storm is a big fan of Captain America, having read comic books about his adventures when he was a kid. Thankfully, this was in the days before we had a rolling timeline. These days, I guess Johnny would have been read antique comics by his great-great grandfather or something.

Anyway, at the antique car fair, trouble erupts in the form of a couple of ne'er-do-wells who pinch a racing car and race off. The Torch sets off after them, but he's not alone.


The two heroes stop the crooks' getaway, but fall to arguing amongst themselves.


Fortunately, the cops show up to catch the villains. The Torch goes off in a sulk, whilst Captain America takes the credit, the cad! Heading home to meet his girlfriend, the two argue over the merit of the returned hero, with "hilarious" results:


Meanwhile, Captain America is back, and it looks like he's a bad 'un...



While the escaped cons draw the attention of the police, the villainous Cap is robbing the local bank. How very... mundane.


Wait a minute, did he just say "sky-platform"?


Holy crap, he did! This costumed criminal has built or bought some sort of Kirbytech helicopter thing, in order to steal a sack of swag from a crappy little town in upstate New York? Does Lee's plot just get really vague at this point, leaving Kirby to fill in the blanks, or was Kirby making it up as he went along, leaving Lee to try and make some sense of it all?

Anyway, let's plough on, shall we? After parachuting to safety from his Kirbycopter, "Cap" escapes in a truck, pursued by the Torch, who's in for a surprise...


I mean, seriously, what? How organised is this guy? Were asbestos-lined trucks just lying around New York back in the 60s? Or was there a supplier of superhero-inconveniencing traps, based on 5th Avenue, back in those days?

Naturally, the Torch escapes his fate, and captures the Cap impersonator, who turns out to be an old foe of the Torch's, the Acrobat, an incredibly minor villain making, justifiably, his last appearance. Presumably he was kneecapped by whomoever was dumb enough to lend him the Kirbycopter. And the point of this story?


I guess we all know what response that appeal met with. "Hey, assholes! Captain America wears BLUE shorts!"

A Skrull Walks Among Us!

Fantastic Four #18, September 1963. Again.
(By Lee, Kirby, and Ayers)
As I may have mentioned in the past, I used to run a Marvel Superheroes RPG, back in the days when I still had the time, energy, and enthusiasm to try to run a decent game. In the course of the campaign, I learned many hard lessons about super-powered combat. So, with the aid of this issue of FF, let me bring you

Dr Sordid's 10 Tips For Truly Effective Super-Villains!

1. Good Planning Is Half The Battle.


As the Emperor of the Skrulls demonstrates here, it's vitally important to put the appropriate time and money into developing your super-villain. That can make the difference between reducing your enemy's homeplanet to rubble, and being left with andromedan egg on your face.


2. Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery.


Surprisingly few superheroes consider how to counter their own powers. Which is odd, when you consider just how often a superhero meets his evil twin, or has his powers stolen by a villainous scientist.


3. Always Go One Better, Just In Case.


If you're going to make copying your enemies abilities your schtick, it's wise to make sure that the R&D department provide you with a bit of extra oomph, on the off chance that you encounter a hero who's smart enough to consider the previous point.


4. Put On A Good Show.


When presenting to a potentially hostile, audience, you can't go wrong with a good strong introduction. If enough people believe you're capable of single-handedly conquering New York, then their faith in the heroes who show up to take you on can be dented, which never harms your chances, when it comes to the inevitable fight sequence.


5. Don't Take Any Crap From Civilians.


Residents of the Big Apple are notoriously reluctant to welcome visitations from alien invaders. It's best to beat the crap out of any pipe-smoking, fedora-wearing New Yorkers who give you any back-talk. (Oddly, a variation on this advise, replacing "alien invaders" with "tourists", appears in the most recent edition of the Rough Guide To New York. Who'da thought it?


6. Resist The Urge To Gloat.


Should your first encounter with the heroes go well, then it's best not to rub your opponent's nose in it. Heroes have an annoying tendency to bounce back, and you can bet anything you say now will come back to haunt you later. Remember: pride cometh before a fall, so a slight smile should be your only outward expression of satisfaction.


7. Goats Are Not Scary. Not Even A Little Bit.


This one should be self-explanatory, but just in case: before you invade an alien planet, check which animals are regarded as fearsome, and which are thought of as cute or ineffectual.


8. Never, Ever, Let Super-Smart Heroes Get Access To A Laboratory.


If you have a weakness which can be exploited, you can bet your bottom Altarian Dollar that the heroes will find it, if you give them an opportunity. So, either don't give them that opportunity, or better yet, don't have any such weakness in the first place.


9. If All Else Fails, Cheat!


If things are starting to not go your way, then it's time to pull something out of your back pocket. And, speaking from personal experience, let me tell you that hypnotism is a seriously underrated superpower! Why fight your foes, when you can mesmerise them into beating the crap out of each other instead?


10. Always Have An Escape Plan.


If you've had your arse handed to you by the superheroes, then I recommend you have a means of avoiding being sealed up in a volcano for ever. A teleporter, perhaps, or a rescue ship from your home planet. If not, it may not be the end of the world, as the odds are you'll be back anyway before too long....

The Coming Of The Avengers!

Avengers #1, September 1963
(By Lee, Kirby, and Dick Ayers)

So, what do you do when you've got a whole raft of superheroes kicking arse and taking names on a regular basis? Team them up, that's what! Taking a leaf from the Distinguished Competition, Stan and Jack decided to take their new generation of superheroes, Thor, Iron Man, Ant-Man, Wasp, and the Hulk, and shove them in a book together. Interesting to note that they chose not to crowbar Spider-Man into the title, establishing his outsider credentials early on.

But, you might ask, what mighty threat to bring together four of the most exciting heroes of the Marvel Universe together, along with Hank Pym? None other than Thor's evil step-brother, Loki, engaging in that well-known supervillain plot, "Hey, let's you and him fight!" Banished to a remote island for his latest scheme, Loki decides to use the Hulk to destroy Thor


Loki swiftly frames the green goliath, making it appear he attacked a railway line, almost causing a disaster. When news of this hits the papers, teen sidekick, Rick Jones, decides to enlist the Fantastic Four to help his big pal. But...


(Donald Blake is, as longtime readers know, the secret identity of the Mighty Thor!)

Thor races off to find the Hulk. However, Loki's cleverly guided radio transmission has gone awry.


Before you know it, every spare hero in New York has descended on the southwest United States, and a potential team-up is in the offing. Fortunately, Loki can always count on Thor being a jackass.


And where is the real Hulk? Glad you asked.


Apparently, the owners of the circus, in a world which constantly doubts the existence of the Hulk, are readily prepared to believe that a giant green robot with superstrength just happened to wander into town, and have swiftly hired "Mechano" to entertain the masses. Putting his stronger allies to shame, Ant-Man decides to take down the Hulk single-handedly, with only an army of ants to help him.


Needless to say, 10 million ants are no match for an angry Hulk, so the capture plan rapidly goes wonky. Iron Man decides to have a go, but...


Meanwhile, in a leap of comic book logic, Thor has fathomed that Loki is behind his trip to New Mexico, and has gone to confront him, not realising that this is part of Loki's plan.


That Loki's a cunning one, right enough, though why he didn't just post Thor a letter inviting him to come and visit him, I'm not sure. Anyway, to no-one's real surprise, Thor beats up the trolls, grabs up his brother, and returns to Earth, just in time to stop Iron Man and the Hulk beating seven bells out of each other. Shame.

As the heroes are about to go their seperate ways, Ant-Man makes the speech the readers have been waiting 22 pages to hear:


So there you have it. Loki's cunning ruse, intended to destroy his brother, ends up bringing about his own downfall, and giving Thor some new pals to play with. That there, folks, is hubris. Can't beat a good bit of hubris.