Professor Xavier Is A Jerk!

As mentioned before, many of the current woes in the Marvel Universe are a result of Professor X's misusing of his mutant students. The whole War of Kings thing currently being played out between the Shi'ar and the Inhumans might have been prevented, had Xavier happened to mention to anyone that there was a third Summers brother, one with a bit of a grudge against the Shi'ar. So, what other misdeeds can we accuse the X-Men's mentor of?

1. Whilst still in the womb, killed his own twin.


2. On the US Army's dollar, shagged his way across Europe, leaving at least one pregnant woman in his wake.


3. Used his psychic powers to put the whammy on any woman not taken in by his "charm".


4. Forced one of his students to take a job working at a club where she would regularly be expected to dress in fishnets and bodices.


5. Fancied a bit of peace and quiet from his students, so faked his own death.


6. Sent a group of novice mutants to rescue his original team of X-Men, got them killed, and then never mentioned it to anyone ever again!


7. Went evil.


8. Again.


9. And again.


10. Buggered off into space with his latest girlfriend, leaving his school and students in the hands of their arch-enemy.


11. Wanted his school and students back, so lobotomised the aforementioned arch-enemy.


12. Went evil, again...


13. Outed himself as a mutant, at the same time dropping his students in it.


14. When his ex-girlfriend, Moira McTaggart, was murdered by the mutant terrorist, Mystique, responded by - hiring Mystique to carry out black ops missions for him.


15. Used his experience of faking his own death, to help Magneto fake his own death.


Make no mistake, this man is not a nice guy. If you see him, do not approach. Unless it's to kick his wheelchair over and kick him in his bald head, that is...

(This cheap inventory post previously appeared in my other blog, February 2006.)

70 Years of Marvel - 2006

By 2006, "event comics were rampant at Marvel. We had, in no particular order:

X-Men: Deadly Genesis - in which Ed Brubaker finally answered the question of who Cyclops and Havok's mystery brother was, about a decade after anyone had last expressed an interest in finding this out. The third brother, Vulcan, believed dead, and erased from the memories of everyone who met him (by that good guy, Professor X), came back from the dead, kidnapped the X-Men, killed Banshee, then went off into space to conquer the Shi'ar Empire.

Civil War - in which Mark Millar spins a yarn in which the New Warriors accidentally blow up a school, and the superhero community is torn in half, with factions arguing for and against superhero registration led by Iron Man and Captain America respectively, Spider-Man reveals his secret identity to the world, and Hank Pym builds a clone of Thor.

Planet Hulk - in which Mr Fantastic, Iron Man, Black Bolt and Dr Strange decide to exile the Hulk into space, accidentally sending him to a planet of enslaving insects, whom he proceeds to conquer. Planet Hulk's writer, Greg Pak, would subsequently return the Hulk to Earth to kick some arse, but this was a far superior tale.

Annihilation - in which Annihilus and his Negative Zone pals try to conquer the "Positive" Universe. Used by Keith Giffen and others as a means to jumpstart Marvel's "cosmic" characters, who had been somewhat underused in recent years.

Additionally, 2006 saw the Black Panther marry the X-Men's Storm, Warren Ellis launch Nextwave, comedy misadventures of some b-list heroes, and Neil Gaiman relaunch the Eternals. In all, a busy year for Marvel's marketing department.

Everything Old Is New Again

Of course, 2004 wasn't just about Brian Bendis. It was also the year of optimistic relaunches:


3rd time out for Alpha Flight, and a return to Marvel for 90s X-writer, Scott Lobdell. A humorous spin on the Canadian superteam, this lasted all of a dozen issues, and most of the team were subsequently exterminated, in order to establish the badass credentials of the latest Avengers foe. As for Cable and Deadpool, this was was a buddy book, written by Lobdell's former partner in X-crime, Fabian Nicieza, and, for the first few issues, even featured covers by Rob Liefeld, who'd brought Cable and Deadpool to comics in the first place.


Keith Giffen, J.M DeMatteis, and Kevin Maguire had made comedy names for themselves with a relaunch of the Justice League at DC Comics, in 1987. 17 years on, they decided to have a crack at the Defenders, applying similar comedic principles to the title. Meanwhile, J. Michael Straczynski decided to have a crack at making Dr Strange popular again, mostly by retelling his origin. Neither limited series did much for the ongoing popularity of their cast, but neither did a great deal of harm either.


On the other hand, these two books did no good at all for anyone. Chris Claremont launched a new Excalibur book, not related to the previous team book, but instead starring Professor X and Magneto, mostly so that Claremont could retcon the evil Magneto who had been showing up in Grant Morrison's New X-Men. There followed a great deal of to-ing and fro-ing between Morrison fans and critics, none of which made Excalibur a good book. Still, compared to James Mullaney's brief revival of Iron Fist, a book so bad that, despite being the biggest fan in the world of Danny Rand, I have been unable to reread, Excalibur was a classic.


Dan Slott made his first venture into the Marvel Universe with a new She-Hulk book, in which Shulkie joins a law firm and engages in all sorts of superhero litigation. Imagine Boston Legal with super-types. In one form or another, this book was still going until quite recently. Meanwhile, having killed off the original Thunderbolts concept, and replaced it with a supervillain wrestling book, Marvel persuaded series originator Kurt Busiek to come back one more time. The relaunch lasted until Warren Ellis came along and kicked out the existing team, in the midst of 2006's Civil War, to my somewhat dissatisfaction.

Yeah, on the whole, actual ideas were pretty much on the way out over at the House of Ideas that year.

70 Years of Marvel - 1995

Some new looks last longer than others. In 1995, Dr Strange changed from his Jason King look (one which pre-dated Jason King by several years) to this rather stylish persona. This was the tail end of a run on Strange by David Quinn, which had seen the good doctor lose the title of Sorcerer Supreme, become split into three seperate people, and fall out with most of his friends - who would presumably have warned him off adopting such a terrible look. By the end of the year, Quinn was out, and Warren Ellis was in, briefly, to restore Strange to his classic look. This wouldn't be enough to save the book from cancellation. Strange fans are still waiting for him to get another shot at headlining his own book.

1995 also saw the Spider-books dominated by the Clone Saga, with Peter Parker "revealed" to be a clone, and Ben Reilly "revealed" to be the real Peter Parker. By year's end, the saga had outlived its usefulness, but as long as sales remained good, the clone story would drag on. Fans of the original Spider-Man could still get their fix of him, but only in flashback tales, such as the Untold Tales of Spider-Man, a lovely little book from Kurt Busiek, which filled in gaps in Spider-Man's first couple of years.

The X-Books took a four month break this year, with the Age of Apocalypse displacing the "real" universe. A neat concept, showing a world in which Professor X had died, and the consequent changes to the world. Unfortunately, as with all neat ideas, it's a well which successive writers have gone back to, again and again. The AoA was responsible for the introduction of Nate Grey, a parallel version of the character with the most confusing backstory ever, just to make things a bit more opaque.

Finally, this was also the year in which Nick Fury was really, truly, incontravertrally, killed off. Not a dream, not an imaginary story, not a clone, and absolutely, definitely, not a robot duplicate. Gone for good. Or, at least, until 1998, when editorial fiat demanded he be brought back to life. And their clever explanation for this resurrection: he was never dead, it was a robot duplicate. God bless the revolving door of death, and the boundless ability of comics readers to accept this sort of nonsense.

In the real world, the Manic Street Preachers lost their muse. The millions of pounds they would make in the next few years may have softened the blow. In Oklahoma, Timothy McVeigh blew up a federal building, killing 168 people. And OJ Simpson was definitely not guilty of murdering his ex-wife and her boyfriend.

11 of the Best: Cosmic Sagas

Since we're talking about cosmic comics, here's what I regard as the most unmissably unmissable space tales. Long-term readers of comics may find little to surprise them here...


The Coming Of Galactus, Fantastic Four, 1966 (Lee & Kirby)
Jack and Stan had already introduced us to the world beyond, with the introduction of the Skrull Empire in the early issues of FF, but this was the biggie. A god-like being turns up, heralded by a cosmic-powered sentinel, the Silver Surfer, and the Fantastic Four know this is bad news, because the sworn-never-to-interfere Watcher shows up to warn them. Marvel's first truly epic storyline.


The Kree-Skrull War, Avengers, 1971-72 (Roy Thomas, Sal Buscema, and Neil Adams)
Also introduced in the pages of the FF, the Kree were the great space power of the galaxy, with the Earth considered too remote to interest them. That changed when the Kree's centuries-old conflict with the Skrull Empire spread to the Earth's solar system. The Avengers were drawn, via their ally, Captain Mar-Vell, into the war, and fought to prevent the Earth itself being an innocent bystander of the battle.


The Thanos War, Strange Tales, Avengers and Marvel Two-In-One, 1977 (Jim Starlin)
The mad god, Thanos, had been lurking on the fringes of the Marvel Universe for a few years, and had even gotten hold of a Cosmic Cube once, but this was his big play for universal domination. Obsessed with death, Thanos had obtained the Infinity Gems, which he intended to use to destroy the universe. The Avengers, Captain Marvel, and Adam Warlock would stand against him, and one of them would not be walking away from this battle.


The Phoenix Saga, X-Men, 1977 (Chris Claremont, Dave Cockrum, and John Byrne)
This was the X-Men's first big space adventure, in which Professor X's latest floozy, Princess Lilandra, was kidnapped by her insane brother, the Shi'ar Emperor, D'ken, and the team went to rescue her. Notable for the first appearance of the Starjammers, and the first time Jean Grey was allowed to unleash the power of the Phoenix, this also saw the introduction of the Shi'ar as the other great star empire, one powerful enough to give even the Kree pause in their expansionism.


The Trial Of Galactus, Fantastic Four, 1983-84 (John Byrne)
After being saved from certain death by Mr Fantastic, Galactus finds the Skrull homeworld, and eats it. As well as incurring Reed Richards the displeasure of pretty much every sentient being in the universe, this throws out the balance of power in the galaxy, crippling the Skrull Empire, and setting the stage for...


Operation: Galactic Storm, various Avengers books, 1992 (Bob Harras, Steve Epting, Roy and Dann Thomas, Dave Ross, Mark Gruenwald, Rik Levins, Greg Capullo, Gerard Jones and Jeff Johnson)
In which the Kree and Shi'ar Empires go to war, with the Avengers stuck in the middle. Condemned at the time as a cheap attempt to cash in on Operation: Desert Storm (why, and how, anyone would "cash in" on a war is a bit of a puzzler, I have to say), O:GS is notable for the uncompromising attitude of some of the Avengers, an attitude for which the editorial staff have to be commended: no bottling the tough issues here. Of course, this uncompromising attitude is probably where the current "dickish" Iron Man comes from, so it's not all good...


The Troyjan War, Incredible Hulk, 1994 (Peter David and Gary Frank)
Maybe Peter David was hoping to create the next big alien race, or maybe he was just looking for a villain who could give the Hulk a run for his money. Either way, this wasn't the most successful launch, since the Troyjans haven't (to the best of my knowledge) showed up anywhere since the Hulk led his then-allies, the Pantheon, against the Troyjans and their warlord, Arm’chedon (Armageddon, get it?). However, there's a lot going on in this serial, with appearances by both the Silver Surfer and the Starjammers, not to mention a battle royal between the Hulk and the Troyjan's champion, Trauma. Great stuff.


Maximum Security, various titles, 2001 (Kurt Busiek and Jerry Ordway)
One of the wackier storylines of recent years, Maximum Security saw various alien governments, led by the Shi'ar, turn Earth into an impromtuo penal colony and exile their worst criminals there. The prisoners, regretably, include Ego, the Living Planet, who proceeds to try to take over the world. Bizarre, but great fun, which is all you can ask for in a comic, particularly a 21st century comic...


Fall And Rise Of The Shi'ar Empire, Uncanny X-Men, 2006-07 (Ed Brubaker, Billy Tan, and Clayton Henry)
In which Havok pursues his long-lost brother, Vulcan, into deep space, to try to stop him from taking his revenge on the Shi'ar for killing their mother. Another run which disrupts the balance of power in the galaxy, with Vulcan declaring himself Shi'ar emperor and threatening to cause chaos. Mind you, perhaps the Shi'ar can count themselves lucky; after all, they at least managed to avoid...


Annihilation, 2006-07 (Keith Giffen and Andrea Divito)
A dark power strikes in the galaxy, sparking an interstellar war, which sees the Skrull Empire crushed, the Kree severely weakened, and the Silver Surfer once again swearing loyalty to Galactus. Just about every one of Marvel's cosmic powers showed up in this maxi-series, a title which has done more to open up the expanded Marvel Universe than pretty much anything else in the past forty years.


War of Kings, 2009 (Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning, and Paul Pelletier)
Abnett and Lanning have been building on Annihilation for some time now. They used that title as an opportunity to bring Nova back in his own title. They wrote the sequel, Conquest, in which the Phalanx, a long-forgotten X-Men foe, conquer the Kree, and they used that story to launch their own version of the Guardians of the Galaxy, a book which has made a star of a talking raccoon. Finally, they had the Kree, now led by Black Bolt and the Inhumans, go to war with the Vulcan-led Shi'ar, bringing together pretty much all the cosmic events of the past few years. Since Marvel seem to have worked out that there's money to be made out of these cosmic events, expect Abnett and Lanning, and others, to continue mining this seam for some time to come.

(This post mostly recycled from an earlier post on my other blog.)

Ten Things We Learn From These Two Issues Of Uncanny X-Men

Uncanny X-Men #5-6, March-May 1964.
(By Lee, Kirby, and Reinman)

Or rather, ten character traits which will become well-established over the next 40 years or so.


1. The Scarlet Witch (here in her first appearance) takes no guff from anyone!


2. The Toad (in his first appearance) is a grass.


3. Mastermind (yes, it's his first time out as well!) holds a grudge (just ask Phoenix in about 16 years).


4. Professor X and Magneto like to rant at each other on the psychic plane.


5. Angel, heir to the multi-billion dollar Worthington Industries, apparently has amnesia! (OK, this one is a cheat, and I guess Warren Worthington's not been established as a billionaire-to-be yet, but, hey, it made me laugh.)


6. Magneto likes to have a cool secret headquarters.


7. And he gives one heck of a pep talk!


8. Cyclops doesn't appreciate being interrupted when he's brooding.


9. Quicksilver (you guessed it) really cares for his sister.


10. Professor Xavier is a jerk. Continued, forever.

X-Men

X-Men #1, September 1963
(By Lee, Kirby, and Paul Reinman)
Even as they were releasing the first issue of The Avengers, featuring some of their best known characters, Stan and Jack were sticking their necks out by *also* releasing another team book, featuring an entirely new group of characters, all with WEIRD FREAKY POWERS. Like, um, wings and ice and shit. Well, not that last one, but you get the picture. Here they are now, summoned by Professor X, headmaster of the School For Gifted Youngsters.


(It's not actually a call to action - the Professor just wants to know who's pinched the wheels off his chair.)

Having assembled his class, Professor X welcomes a new student, the most famous redhead in comics history.


Note the stylish fashions of the pupils of Professor X's school. Check trousers and a bow tie, 'Slim'? Ouch. And is that a blue safari suit that Hank's dolled up in?

Ms. Grey is understandably confused about Professor X's motives for luring her to this school for squares, so the Professor gives her the 4-1-1.


Fortunately, despite being members of an all-male school, the X-Men know well how to handle one of the fairer sex. sort of.


Yeah, this is going to work out well. Anyhoo, whilst the boys quarrel over who's going to nail Miss Grey first, the action shifts to Cape Citadel, where the US government are launching one of their mighty space rockets (apparently, although he's already gotten to the moon, six months earlier, Reed Richards hasn't bothered to give Uncle Sam any help with their space program). But wait, what's this?


After twatting the rocket out of the sky, Magneto (for it is he) proceeds to launch a one-man invasion of the missile base.


True to his word, Magneto makes short work of the army personnel, and confronts the man in charge.


I love how much respect the letterer shows the art in this panel. Was it a particularly bad shot of Magneto's head? Anyway, back at the school, the boys are continuing to get used to their new classmate.


It's all a bit Porky's American Pie, isn't it? Any second now, Hank McCoy's going to sticking his knob through the hole into the girl's shower-block. Before Jean can tear the boys a set of new arses, the Professor summons the class to his study, tells them about Magneto's assault on Cape Citadel, and sends them off to defeat him. Unfortunately, they seem to have forgotten that the Master of Magnetism is in control of the base defences...


The X-Men are put through their paces, both by the missiles and by Magneto himself. For a brief moment, the bad guy even manages to overcome them. But this being fiction, and they being the heroes, it doesn't last long.


And so it begins, the rivalry between the X-Men and Magneto. And also, the beginnings of the X-Mens' reputation as being feared and hated by humanity.



Eh? Oh well, enjoy the popularity while you can, guys...